I really don’t like who I am.

I just…don’t like myself. I don’t like my personality, my voice, my sense of humor, the way I think, or the way I portray myself to others. I feel like I am awful in so many ways. I’m rude, quick to anger, impatient, selfish, judgmental, undedicated, and insecure, among so many other negative things. I know exactly who I want to be, but these terrible things are just so ingrained in me and I screw up every single day. Every night when I fall asleep, I dream of going through a magical overnight transformation where I wake up and become the person I want to be. But then the morning comes and I immediately screw up and ruin the entire day. I want to be kind and patient and loving and confident and hardworking so badly. How the hell do I do it? The smallest, most inconsequential things irritate me and I lash out. Once I lash out, I feel like the day is ruined and I kind of just sit and wallow in my failure.