My (F33) boyfriend (43M) isn't grooming himself and looks like one of the Golden Girls

When I met my boyfriend three years ago, he presented himself in a somewhat tidy fashion. He would show up to our dates with a fresh haircut, a trimmed beard, and clean clothes.

As time progressed, he started being more relaxed around me, which led to him abandoning any form of self care. I suspect that he never cared about his appearance and that he was just putting effort in to "get me."

Now, I find myself dating an overweight man who has the same hair as Rue from The Golden Girls. It absolutely doesn't suit him, and it's aging him greatly.

I've never seen a man with worse hair in my life, and the sight of his unruly hair is drying up my snatch. It's frizzy, unkept, standing up to all sides and looks terrible.

I suppose I'm a shallow and shitty person, but I really can't help it. Maybe it's due to how I was raised and the beauty standards I've been exposed to. I sincerely wish I'd be able to shake it, but I'm not.

It's not just me, though—a couple of days ago, a stranger tried to hand my boyfriend a couple of coins, assuming he was homeless. It's pretty bad, and I sometimes feel a little embarrassed to be seen with him. I'm also reluctant to bring him with me to family outings because of how feral he looks.

I've tried talking to him in a kind and understanding way. I’ve tried to be accepting, and I've tried to make peace with it. He gets extremely defensive and tells me that I don't love him and that I need to accept him as he is—which also, by the way, apparently includes toenails that have routinely destroyed his shoes due to their sheer length of them.

I don't know what to do anymore or what's going on. I don't want to be that naggy girlfriend who's always criticizing her boyfriend, but I'm just not attracted to a guy who looks like a homeless grandma who got in a fight with a badger and lost.

Please, I need advice. How can I get him to care about his appearance or at least put some effort in for me?!

Tldr; boyfriend looks feral and it's seriously messing up my attraction towards him.