Depression and trauma are ruining my (F31) relationship with M31 - is there a future?

I often see posts on here and think, '"well if you have to ask Reddit, you should probably just end it". However, here I am.

Last year, due to work, family bereavement and supporting friends, I ended up incredibly depressed with compassion fatigue. I was having suicidal thoughts, hurting myself and that hasn't fully stopped.

I did counselling at the end of the year, had a break over Christmas and have come in to 2025 feeling a lot lighter and more solidly bright. Definitely able to do things like take care of myself and the house and others way better than before.

Since about November, my boyfriend (M31) has been depressed. He can function well enough, but he's struggling with any kind of intimacy and affection. He's admitted that he wants an intimate, affectionate relationship with me, and he knows he "should" want me, but he can't actually say what he wants. He's working on it all in therapy.

He has tonne of trauma from his divorced parents and I get it, I hate what they've done to him. But I feel like I'm being punished for it.

He's doing the work, slowly, and space is needed. And I get that, I really genuinely do. But it's incredibly painful and I'm struggling.

When I look at the big picture, it feels like a rough few months that work is done from and we'll be stronger than ever. We both want the same future and believe we can have that together. However, when it's in the moment, things are so intense and miserable at points, it hurts.

I love him and he loved me through some roughness, so I don't want to let him down, but he can be very selfish and critical at the moment and I feel like he's pushing me away.

We moved in together for the first time last September and that's been a huge change as well. It's also hard having all this go on in the home.