doctor is taking me off :(

i wanted lexapro to work SO BADLY!!! I was on 10 mg for about 5 months but started to go into a deep depressive episode that lasted over a month. my dosage was increased to 15 about 1-2 weeks ago. i started to experience suicidal ideation and even got to the point where i drove myself to the hospital and sat in the parking lot because i was scared that id do something to myself. i had thoughts on overdosing, crashing my car, shooting myself… it was scary because i never thought this way before. i had an appointment with both my therapist and psychiatrist and it was decided that getting off of lexapro immediately was the best for me. they put me on a mood stabilizer, Lamotrigine. I have tried a few antidepressants before and some even made me hear voices (wellbutrin). I was originally put on lexapro for panic disorder and generalized anxiety and i am terrified that it will come back. having mental illness is so exhausting especially when you’ve tired a million medications and none of them seem to resolve the issue long term. please reach out to a medical professional for help if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts🫶🏼