Seeking Advice: Should We Announce Our Pregnancy to My In-Laws?

I’d love to get some advice or hear your opinion on what my husband and I should do.

To give you some context, my husband comes from a family of six siblings, and unfortunately, they’ve never accepted me. From the beginning, I stood up for my husband and didn’t tolerate the negativity and mistreatment his family subjected him to. This didn’t sit well with them, and they’ve disliked me ever since. At our wedding, all of his siblings declined our invitations as a clear sign that they didn’t welcome me into the family. Since then, we’ve been excluded from family gatherings, Christmas celebrations, baby showers—you name it.

The sad part is, they treated my husband poorly long before I came into his life. When I did, I became the "threat" because I encouraged him to stand up for himself. He needed someone to support him through the emotional toll his family had on him. While we’re happily married now, their silent treatment has deeply affected my husband, causing emotional distress and feelings of helplessness. He knows there’s nothing he can do to make them treat him with respect.

His father is also distant. When he does show up, he barely acknowledges my husband and instead talks about his other son as if my husband doesn’t exist.

We’ve been married for two years, and during this time, we’ve endured the heartbreak of three miscarriages. After seeing a fertility specialist, we’re now blessed to be pregnant again. This is our first child, and it’s a huge milestone for us. However, we’re conflicted about whether we should announce the pregnancy to my husband’s parents. They rarely reach out, show little interest in our lives, and treat us like outsiders simply because my husband chose me as his wife.

We’ve made efforts to reconnect—we’ve apologized for any perceived wrongs, sent New Year’s greetings, and tried to bridge the gap. Only one sister-in-law responded, stating she doesn’t accept our apology, and one brother-in-law replied, but my husband remains distant from him due to past issues. Despite the pain and trauma they’ve caused, we’re trying to move forward.

So here’s my question: Is it worth announcing our pregnancy to his family, especially when they’ve been dismissive, distant, and cold toward us? Would it be selfish if we chose not to tell them? Should we at least inform my mother-in-law, even though she only reaches out once a year to invite my husband to lunch for his birthday?

We all live in the same town, just 5–20 minutes apart, yet they make no effort to visit, reconnect, or mend things. It feels selfish and childish on their part, but I can’t help wondering if keeping this news to ourselves would make us just as bad.

Initially, I told my husband we shouldn’t announce it, but I always defer to him because it’s his family, his child too. Our baby deserves to know their father’s family, especially their grandparents. At the same time, I’m struggling with my own feelings of rejection and not being accepted, which I’m trying to set aside.

What would you do in our situation? Is it worth reaching out, or should we focus on the family we’re building together?