How do I actually cultivate the desire to want to live, besides just getting a therapist?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never really wanted to be here. I was conceived, birthed and now I’m here. All my life I’ve just been drifting and going through the motions. But I’ve genuinely, with honestly no recollection as much as I pick my brain over it, never really desired to live life. I’ve always been selfless in that I’ve done stuff purely for other people (or because they asked me to), but rarely done stuff for myself and myself only (I’ve traveled and gone to concerts and don’t other fun stuff, to name a few things).

I feel like an alien in a humans body writing this. But I want to feel that “spark” that people have to be their best selves and live their best life. Weed edibles can get me there, sure. But I want to get to that point sober if possible. So will I have to stay in a therapists office for the next 10 years trying to figure it all out?