Less ashamed of stuttering but the shame has returned (vent)

I (M-22) started stuttering ever since I was in school in 1st grade. I went to therapy all my life from 1st grade to 12th grade on an IEP (but it was not anything like special ed student IEPs' - just documentation about my speech therapy).

I thought I was mentally better about my chronic stutter now though now that I am 4 years out of high school and 3 months out of college.

I'm an Intern at a tech company and at lunch today I was sitting alone in the sky room eating. This group came over as I finished and cleaned up. I was trying to introduce myself but I literally was just stuck and this person was it's okay, its okay - all good. BUT NOT ALL GOOD for me - I wanted to get my words out.

He was asking initially in Mandarin if I spoke it - then I finally when the lowkey 20 second stutter passed, I said "I was going to say 'Cantonese'" (and I said "Cantonese" in Cantonese). Then a 2nd employee in that group related to my comment about it.

BUT DAMN that was the longest stutter in a while... I thought I was doing good... I even gave a demo presentation to over 50 people WITHOUT A SINGLE STUTTER.

God my brain makes no sense sometimes... why now and why this time? It's so damaging to my mental health now that I experienced a long stutter which again has been a while since I had one.