being in the right environment helped me

pretty sure some people has seen some of my more depressing posts before and i’ve came here to make an update that i am indeed feeling way better :))

i used to be really disappointed in myself for not being able to take pure sciences like my other friends but i’ve only recently realised how taking combined sciences was such an great choice i’ve made.

sharing a class with a boy who has sexual harassed me definitely still makes me uncomfortable but i just like to think that he’s this one big fatty that i should just ignore so that i could feel better and stop panicking when im around him. what i thought was a curse when i joined this class actually became a blessing for me. although i dont have a close friend in my class i will say this ; i’ve never felt more peace in my life since being so depressed and suicidal last year.

maybe for everyone it’s different but i just realised how being in a different environment has factored my mental health so much. last year i used to be suicidal, depressive and was always comparing myself to other people. but now that im in a class where people don’t just care about academics and ignore everything else (like mental health especially) i’ve been feeling way way better. as in i’ve stopped having suicidal thoughts daily and going to school didn’t seem much like a challenge to me anymore.

i honestly always used to think people who say sometimes you’re not in the right place was just trying to make me feel better. but now i realise that this is actually true for me. i’m in a way better environment where i can breathe without having someone blabber in my ear about the incoming exams and homework and can just relax. last year was such a depressing and exhausting year for me that i honestly was shocked to realise i can actually feel this much peace as long as im in a place where i feel better.

i’ve also quit instagram. and doing that and having different classes from people who always make me compare myself has made me feel so much more better. if i could share an achievement, its that i have been 2 (close to 3) weeks clean! :) although it may seem short, it feels really refreshing to me as my suicidal thoughts and self harm tendencies are almost non existent now that im in a better environment.

and dont get me wrong ; im not saying this will work for EVERYONE. but it has for me and the purpose of this post is to motivate those who has felt what i had the previous year that it may eventually get better. i suffered from depressive and suicidal thoughts constantly since i was 10 and although i might again in the future, im just glad to see im so much more better now. maybe sometimes you have to remove yourself from the source of stress.