I think I'm out..

So I'm a HL 37F he is a 39LL M.

I dumbly married into a DB and I know that's the first rule..don't do it. But I did because I love my SO to the moon and back. So that is on me. I fell for the things will get better, I love you with all my heart lines.

I still love him immensely.

It has been two years since out last intimate encounter.

I moved to a different state for this man and I changed jobs. I take care of the home, the animals and him. To the best of my ability. I like to think I'm cute but at this point he has me doubting myself.

I moved in August. I have tried over 67 times to initiate with this man. I wrote it down. But anytime I try to discuss it he replies with were ok, nothing is wrong, OR my favorite it is my fault, I can't just demand sex, I need to initiate and things need to happen naturally...well I've tried 67 times, and I'm always pushed off, given an excuse or called a pervert.

The excuses vary. All over the board. Mostly he places the blame on me. But sometimes he will say he isn't feeling good, has a headache, bad day etc.

He also is hiding his phone. He was showing me something on his phone the other day and a woman's name popped up and he quickly slid it away. I confronted him..oh just a friend, nothing is going on, well why did you quickly slide it away? Because it's my phone, it's private..... REALLY. Ok.

I've noticed alot of things are about him He has told me he is allowed to have his hobbies. He is allowed to play video games, spend time apart from me as we don't need to be attached at the hip. Which I get. But we don't EVER spend any QT time. Like cuddling watching movies. Ever. It is like he wants to be single but married, live his own life, do what he wants and screw what I want.

I try to communicate with him. I've texted, emailed and talked face to face for months. Almost a year. He always replies with you need to stop doubting this relationship, your exhausting. When all I want to do is figure out why we aren't intimate.

I don't know what to do. I've been saving money. Because I feel like I'm a roommate. I'm disrespected by my husband, I'm yelled at over dumb things, he doesn't have sex with me or any intimacy at all...

We went from he wanting to always be near me, kissing me, buying lingerie for me, touching, showering together, texting , making out, cuddling and sex... To nothing. I try and dress up, get sexy, send sexy texts, try to initiate, try to cuddle, ask if he wants to shower, just anything to be closer to him..and zero.

He always has an excuse. I feel alone alot. I feel unwanted. I'm pretty sure he is emotionally abusing me...but he always manages to leave a crumb so I stay.

It may be time to leave. I'm terrified. I love him so much. I keep trying and trying. I just don't want to give up. But I lost so much of my happiness and confidence....

I'm scared to let go.