I'm afraid boyfriend hates me ,and I feel disgusted for it.

For context, I've been with him since we were 13, and I've never been happier in my life with someone, he's a great person, but that's precisely why I'm afraid of hurting him. Mainly because, as a person with OCD, I have a lot of false memories that I feel the need to go back and tell other people about as if I were confessing my mistakes. And that's what this text is about.

Once, when I was still little, I didn't know if it was real or not; I was "touching myself," and I've always had a hard time with it because I really hate doing it. At that moment, countless intrusive thoughts were running through my head until one day, I ended up saying his name while I was doing it. It wasn't intentional, not really.

And after a few months, it came back to me; I didn't know if it was real or not, but I still decided to text my boyfriend after talking to a friend of mine about why I was anxious. And well, he was very calm about the whole thing and said that he understood that everyone has their own intimate moments and that it's something that should be done, but that he'd still prefer it if our relationship didn't jump to something like that (for adults) while we were so young, something we'd both talked about before and I agreed. And then I explained to him that no, I didn't want to do anything with him or anything, but I did want to talk about what happened unintentionally. He said that everything was fine, especially since it seemed to be something old (from a few months ago) but that overall, everything was fine.

But now, at the age of 15, I've remembered it, and I feel a mixture of shame and resentment towards my little self,, I know it wasn't intentional that I said his name in an intimate moment, but still.

My boyfriend and I have always been very open about everything, I even asked us to make a list of boundaries, because I was anxious about it, and we did, and in the end, we had the same opinion about everything (he sent me the text first and in the end I sent mine and they both matched). And that's why I'm afraid of hurting him precisely, because of my anxiety, because I'm not sure what's real and what's fake, and because we don't talk often. I need help, I really don't want our relationship to end because of me. Not only this I mentioned, but I constantly have paranoias of what if he hates me? What if he doesn't like how our relationship is going? I mean, when we started, he told me to always be open if we don't like something, and we do be really open about everything, but I'm just scared.

For context, no I never talked with him about any of those things I mentioned (besides the first thing, this one I did talk with him about), because I'm aware of how odd it would sound basically me saying I'm scared if I'm making he constantly uncomfortable or that he doesn't like me. It sounds like I don't trust him, so I don't say those things; I really don't want to harm him, so I don't say anything about it.